CHAPTER THREE: SAFETY + SELF-CONNECTION
This practice is designed to help you pause, reconnect with the present moment, and notice what you need before trying to interpret every thought or sensation.
Grounding is not about forcing yourself to feel calm.
It is about offering your body signs of steadiness, choice, and support.
You can use this practice when you feel overwhelmed, disconnected, emotionally activated, mentally scattered, or unsure what you need.
Before You Begin
Choose a space where you feel reasonably comfortable.
If closing your eyes does not feel supportive, keep them open and gently look around the room.
You are always allowed to modify or stop this practice.
Step 1: Orient to the Present
Slowly look around your environment.
Without rushing, identify:
Five things you can see
Four things you can physically feel
Three things you can hear
Two things you can smell
One thing you can taste—or would enjoy tasting
You do not need to complete every category perfectly.
The purpose is to notice where you are now.
Step 2: Feel Your Support
Notice where your body is being supported.
This might be:
Your feet against the floor
Your body against a chair
Your back against a wall
Your hands resting in your lap
A blanket wrapped around you
Gently press your feet into the floor or your hands into the surface beneath them.
Remind yourself:
“I am here in this moment.”
Step 3: Breathe Without Forcing
Take a comfortable breath through your nose.
Allow the exhale to be slightly longer than the inhale.
You might try:
Inhale for four counts.
Exhale for six counts.
Repeat three to five times if it feels comfortable.
If counted breathing creates discomfort, return to your natural breath and simply notice it.
Step 4: Notice Without Interpreting
Ask yourself:
What sensations are present in my body?
Where do I feel tension, heaviness, warmth, openness, numbness, movement, or ease?
What emotion feels closest to the surface?
What does my energy feel like?
Try describing what you notice without immediately deciding what it means.
For example:
“My chest feels tight.”
Rather than:
“The tightness proves I am making the wrong decision.”
Observation creates room for discernment.
Step 5: Ask What You Need
Complete this sentence:
“In this moment, I may need…”
Your answer might be:
Rest
Water or food
Movement
Reassurance
Quiet
More information
Time before responding
Emotional support
A boundary
Comfort
Less stimulation
A conversation
Professional support
No action yet
Choose what feels supportive and realistic.
Create Your Personal Regulation Menu
Different moments may require different kinds of support.
Choose practices you can return to when needed.
When I Feel Overstimulated
What helps me reduce input and settle?
Examples: silence, dim lighting, putting down my phone, stepping outside, or taking space.
When I Feel Disconnected
What helps me return to my body and surroundings?
Examples: stretching, holding something textured, naming what I see, taking a shower, or walking.
When I Feel Emotionally Activated
What helps me pause before reacting?
Examples: slower breathing, journaling, asking for time, speaking with a trusted person, or waiting before sending a message.
When I Feel Depleted
What helps restore my capacity?
Examples: eating, drinking water, resting, canceling something nonessential, or asking for help.
When I Need Comfort
What helps me feel cared for?
Examples: a blanket, tea, music, time with a pet, prayer, nature, or contact with a safe person.
My Return-to-Self Plan
Complete the following:
One sign that I am becoming overwhelmed is…
One sign that I am shutting down is…
Something that helps me return to the present is…
A person I can contact for support is…
A sentence I want to remember is…
One thing I can do before making a decision is…
Closing Check-In
Notice how you feel now.
You do not need to feel completely calm for the practice to have mattered.
Ask:
What changed, even slightly?
What still needs care?
What do I need after completing this practice?
Finish with:
“I can pause, listen, and support myself one moment at a time.”
A Gentle Reminder
Grounding does not erase difficult circumstances or emotions.
It creates a little more space to meet them.
If a practice makes you feel more activated, stop and choose something that feels safer. Persistent distress, trauma responses, or intense symptoms may require support from a qualified healthcare or mental health professional.